Lisa and the myth of narcissism: the struggle behind the facade

Lisa was a role model in the eyes of many: a brilliant psychology student and a dedicated member of her church community. She led youth groups, gave talks and always knew how to use her talents to inspire people. But what no one saw was the pressure Lisa put on herself. Her achievements and commitment were not an expression of self-love, but a desperate attempt to fill an inner void.

Lisa was, without realizing it, like Narcissus from Greek mythology – trapped in the illusion of a perfect reflection. But contrary to what many believe, narcissism is not about self-love. Narcissism is self-hatred in a shiny package.

Narcissism: The disguise of self-rejection

Behind her flawless façade, Lisa suffered from a deep sense of inadequacy. She had high expectations of herself and constantly lived in fear of not being good enough. Her successes and commitment were not signs of inner peace, but protective mechanisms to cover up her insecurities.

Narcissism is not the exaggerated infatuation with one’s own self, but the incessant striving to silence the inner voice of self-criticism. Lisa didn’t love herself – she loved the image she had created of herself. She clung to it because she could not bear what lay behind this image.

Breaking the illusion

The turning point came when a participant from her youth group asked Lisa: “You give so much to us, but who looks after you?” This simple question snapped Lisa out of her daily rut. She felt caught out and ashamed because she knew that no one – not even herself – really cared about her.

For the first time, she began to realize that her perfect façade not only deceived others, but also herself. She had lost herself in an image of herself that she kept up to protect herself from the truth: She felt no love for her true self. Deep in her heart, she was convinced that she was unlovable.

The path to healing: from hate to love

Healing began for Lisa when she faced this truth. She dared to ask herself the question: “Why can’t I love myself?” Her prayers became more honest. Instead of asking God to give her more strength for her tasks, she prayed, “Lord, show me how you see me.”

In this process, Lisa realized that God loved her unconditionally – not because of her accomplishments, but simply because she was His creation. This love exposed her illusions and brought to light a deeper truth: it was not her job to be perfect in order to be loved. She was already loved.

From mirror image to genuine self-love

Narcissism is like the mirror image of narcissism – an illusion that keeps people trapped in their own self-rejection. Genuine self-love is the opposite: it begins with reconciliation with one’s own self. For Lisa, this meant accepting her weaknesses and seeing herself through the eyes of God.

The Bible summarizes this truth in a few words: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” This love is not an exaggerated self-aggrandizement, but an act of healing. It is a step towards freeing ourselves from self-hatred and accepting the divine truth: “You are valuable just as you are.”

Conclusion: The true message behind narcissism

Lisa’s story shows that narcissism has nothing to do with excessive self-love. It is an escape from oneself – an escape that is often based in self-hatred. The cure lies in the assumption that we do not have to be perfect in order to be loved. The love of God enables us to accept our true selves and make peace with ourselves.

Today, Lisa no longer lives to hide behind her facade. She has realized that true strength lies not in appearing perfect, but in being honest – with others, with herself and with God. And that is what sets her free.

Coaching for your inner healing

Do you recognize yourself in Lisa’s story? Do you also have the feeling that you are always looking for approval while inwardly doubting yourself? It is possible to get to know yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses – and to love yourself. With Carico Coaching we accompany you on your path to true self-acceptance. Together we will work on dropping the facade and discovering the power in your true self.

Start your journey to more self-love and inner peace. Sign up now for a free initial consultation and let’s find out how we can support you on your journey. It’s time to make peace with yourself – you are worth it.