Lisa* was a young woman who was admired by many. She was one of the best psychology students at her university and was passionately involved in her free church community. She led youth groups, organized events and held inspiring devotions. People were drawn to her presence – she seemed competent, faithful and almost perfect.

But behind this shiny façade, Lisa was fighting an invisible enemy: herself.

The mirror image that dictated life

Lisa lived as she believed she should. She had formed an image of herself – a version that was flawless, infallible and admirable. This image became her compass, her yardstick and her only source of esteem. She was like Narcissus from Greek mythology, who had fallen in love with his own reflection. But while Narcissus contemplated his ideal image in the calm waters, Lisa struggled to make this ideal visible to others.

Her days were filled with efforts to keep up appearances. Every little criticism of her performance, every doubt about her integrity made this fragile reflection tremble. Like Narcissus, who fell in love with deception, Lisa was not in love with herself, but with the ideal she saw in her inner mirror. But this appearance was fragile, and the truth behind it was terrifying: she hated the person behind the reflection.

The storm within

Lisa knew how to win over her followers. Her friends and parishioners adored her. But woe betide anyone who dared to criticize her. For Lisa, criticism felt like an attack on her existence. She quickly became sharp and hurtful, mobilizing her followers to discourage or shut down her critics while maintaining the seemingly flawless facade herself.

But in quiet moments, when no one was looking, Lisa felt the emptiness. She felt the pain, the struggle, the hatred for herself. She often asked herself: “Why do I feel so bad when everyone thinks I have everything under control?” She couldn’t find the answer until one day someone smashed her mirror.

The day the mirror broke

During a conflict in the community, Mrs. Schneider approached Lisa. Mrs. Schneider was an older lady, known for her wisdom and her ability to get to the point. “Lisa,” she began calmly, “you’re impressive. But I see something in you that pains me. You fight so hard – against whom, actually?”

Lisa was speechless at first. “I fight for the good,” she replied after a pause. But Mrs. Schneider only smiled gently. “No, Lisa, you’re fighting against yourself. You’re like Narcissus. Not in love with yourself, but with the image you’ve created of yourself. But that’s not the real Lisa.”

The words struck Lisa deeply. She wanted to object, but her throat was tight. For the first time, she realized how tired she was. Mrs. Schneider put a hand on Lisa’s shoulder. “You are loved, Lisa. Not because of your achievements, not because of your perfection. You are loved because God created you exactly the way you are.”

The view into the depths

The next few weeks were an emotional rollercoaster for Lisa. Mrs. Schneider’s words had triggered something in her that she could no longer suppress. One evening, when she was alone in her room, her gaze fell on a mirror on the wall. Suddenly she no longer just saw the façade. She saw herself – tired, insecure and yet human. It hurt to see herself like this, but at the same time she felt strangely relieved.

She began to compare herself to Narcissus. Narcissus had drowned in the water when he tried to embrace his reflection. Lisa asked herself: “Will I also drown in my image of myself, or will I find a way to love myself?”

The path to self-love

Lisa began to ask herself this question. She took time for prayer and read the Bible with new eyes. One verse in particular spoke to her: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Lisa thought: “If I can’t love myself, how can I love others? And how can I really understand God’s love if I can’t apply it to myself?”

Slowly, she took her first steps. She began to talk openly with a friend about her struggles. She talked about how hard she was on herself and how much she longed for recognition. The friend listened patiently and then said: “Lisa, you are enough – just the way you are. And you’re not alone.”

It was a turning point. Lisa allowed others to see her weaknesses without condemning them. And she began to see herself through God’s eyes: as someone who is loved despite her flaws.

From mirror image to authenticity

Over time, Lisa changed. She withdrew from the leadership of the church so that she would no longer act out of pressure or fear. Instead, she began to be more honest with people. She spoke of her struggles and doubts, shared how much she had questioned herself, and how she learned to accept God’s love.

People stayed by her side, but this time for different reasons. They appreciated Lisa not for her perfection, but for her vulnerability and authenticity. Lisa understood that she was not loved for an ideal, but for the person she really was.

Conclusion: The broken mirror and freedom

Lisa’s story shows us how important it is to free ourselves from the illusion of the “perfect self”. Like Narcissus, who clutched his reflection, many of us struggle with the image we have created of ourselves. But this battle can never be won because we can never achieve that which ultimately destroys us.

Freedom lies in letting go of the mirror – and embracing the person behind it. In this acceptance, we find true self-love. And in this love, we can truly love others as God has loved us.

* A fictional story with a kernel of truth.

Is Lisa a narcissist? What does narcissism really mean?

Narcissism is often described as excessive self-absorption. However, narcissism is more likely to manifest itself in the fact that we reject ourselves and project an idealized image to the outside world, behind which we hide. The “typical narcissist” is a rarity. Instead, we all have narcissistic traits to varying degrees. The more exciting question is therefore not whether Lisa is narcissistic, but what her story reveals about all of us. Where do you recognize parallels to yourself? Do you have moments when you cling to an image of yourself that you want to show others, while your true self remains in the background? Which of the following narcissistic traits do you recognize in Lisa – and which might you recognize in yourself?

Our approach to coaching: meeting yourself honestly

Narcissism is often a protective strategy that conceals deep insecurities and self-doubt. Discovering who we really are – beyond the façade – is a gift: it means marveling at our true strengths and exploring what we are capable of. But our weaknesses are also part of us. It is precisely these that have often led us to put on the masks behind which we hide.

In coaching for narcissism, we accompany you on a journey to greater authenticity and inner strength. You learn to become aware of your strengths and weaknesses. This is not about dismissing your weaknesses or suppressing them. Rather, we help you to accept them, reconcile with them and understand their roots. This process opens the way to real change – a change that does not result in perfection, but in peace with yourself.

You won’t have to become a completely different person – and that’s not necessary. Instead, you can learn to take the sharpness and bitterness out of your weaknesses and consciously use your strengths. Step by step, you will become a person who honestly loves themselves and can be a blessing to others through this love.