The language of fire – Marie’s way out of the world of extremes

How superlatives distort perception and drive life to extremes

Marie was a woman of superlatives. For as long as she could remember, she lived in extremes. She was overjoyed or devastated, unbeatable or completely worthless. For her, there was only the highest or the lowest, the best or the worst. And that’s how she spoke.

“This is the worst meeting I’ve ever had!” she cried out when her boss interrupted her.
“This pasta is the best food in the world!” she raved when she went out to eat with her friend.
“I’m just the stupidest person ever!” she complained when she made a mistake.

Their words were so powerful that they shaped their entire reality. Every little problem became a downfall, every joy had to be celebrated ecstatically. There was no normality in Marie’s life – only flights of fancy and crashes.

🔥The invisible burden – when language makes you ill

Superlatives not only shape our perception, but also our emotions. Those who always feel on the verge of euphoria or catastrophe live in a constant state of stress. This can have consequences:

Chronic stress: When everything is a “disaster”, life feels like an emergency.
Sleep disorders: The constant emotional turmoil makes it difficult to calm down.
Perfectionism: Those who only accept “the best” suffer from enormous pressure to perform.
Relationship problems: People around Marie felt drained – nothing was ever “just okay” for her.

The day Marie’s world was on fire

One day, everything escalated. Marie was at work when her boss criticized her for a little carelessness. It wasn’t a big mistake, just an overlooked deadline. But in Marie’s world, that was enough to bring the house of cards of her self-confidence crashing down.

“I’m the worst employee ever! I’m incompetent, worthless!” she thought.

She couldn’t let go of the thought. She felt her heart race and her breathing become shallow. The ground beneath her feet seemed to dissolve. Tears welled up in her eyes. She ran out of the office, got into the car and simply drove off.

Without a destination, only the desire to flee. Her thoughts were burning brightly.

“I’ll never be good enough. Everything is too much. I can’t take any more.”

Without knowing how, she ended up in a small church. She wasn’t a particularly religious person, but something drew her in. Inside, an old man sat on a bench and read from an old, worn Bible.

He looked at her and smiled. “Why don’t you sit down? You look like you’ve got too many words in you.”

She did so. And then he began to read to her.

“The tongue is a small member and boasts of great things. Behold, a small fire, what a great forest it kindles!” (James 3:5)

Marie flinched. These words cut her to the heart.

– Words are not harmless. They are like sparks that can set an entire forest on fire.
– Those who always express themselves in superlatives create a reality of extremes.
– Words shape our thinking – what we say, we believe.
– If you bridle your tongue, you can calm your thoughts – and change your world.

🔥 The power of the tongue – lessons from the letter of James

“You set your life on fire with words, didn’t you?” the man asked.

Marie swallowed. She thought of all the times she had declared a harmless situation to be the “biggest crisis of all time”. Of all the nights when her words had kept her awake. Of the relationships that had broken down because no one could stay in her world of extremes for long.

“And if I can’t do it anymore?” she asked quietly.

The man smiled. “Then start with small words. Words that let air into your fire so that it doesn’t burn so hot.”

Marie thought about it.

“Instead of ‘I’m a disaster’, I could say: ‘I made a mistake’.“
“Instead of ‘It was the worst day of my life’, I could say: ‘It was a stressful day’.“
“Instead of ‘I’m worthless’, I could say: ‘I learned something today’.“

It felt strange. Almost too easy. But at the same time, for the first time in a long time, she felt a strange sense of relief.

Maybe not everything had to be extreme. Maybe there was a life beyond “best” and “worst”. Maybe there was a “good enough”.

The way back to balance

Marie began to consciously pay attention to her language. It was difficult at first. She kept catching herself falling into old patterns. But gradually it became easier. Her thoughts calmed down. Her anxiety subsided. She slept better.

And their world was no longer ablaze.

💡 How we can change our language

Recognize your patterns: Pay attention to when you use superlatives.
Deliberately choose softer words: instead of “worst” say “challenging”, instead of “never” say “sometimes”.
Take your time: changing language also means reprogramming your own thinking.
Find balance: Life is not just black and white – there are many shades in between.

Marie’s conclusion – Words can save

A year later, Marie is sitting in a café and hears a woman at the next table say: “This is the worst day of my life!”

Marie smiles. She knows this phrase only too well.

“Really?” she asks, “Or is it just a tough day?”

The woman looks at her in surprise. Then she sighs. “Yes. Probably just a tough day.”

Marie takes a sip of her coffee. Life hasn’t stopped being challenging. But it has become calmer. The fires have been put out.

And it all began with an old man, a church – and a few words from the letter of James.

What happens when we constantly speak in superlatives

The psychological consequences – when words shape our thinking

Extreme language has a significant impact on perception and emotions. The psychological strain can be enormous:

Permanent emotional stress
Excessive rhetoric keeps the body on alert. It cannot distinguish between real crises and linguistically dramatized everyday situations – the stress level remains chronically high.
Perfectionism and fear of failure
Those who only think in categories such as “the best” or “the worst” put themselves under immense pressure. Mediocrity looks like failure, which leads to constant self-overload.
Relationship problems
An environment becomes blunt when every little thing is declared a “catastrophe”. At some point, people no longer take exaggerations seriously, which puts a strain on trust and relationships.
Self-doubt and loss of identity
Those who constantly go to extremes lose their sense of nuance – and therefore often lose touch with themselves. Without balance, you lack a stable inner core.

The physical consequences – when words make you ill

What we think and say affects not only the psyche, but also the body. The consequences can make themselves felt for years:

Sleep disorders
A brain that is constantly processing “the worst and most exciting events” cannot rest. Problems falling asleep and staying asleep as well as exhaustion are common consequences.
High blood pressure
Constant stress caused by exaggerated perception can increase blood pressure and put a strain on cardiovascular health in the long term.
Tension and migraines
Emotional tension often manifests itself physically. Frequent headaches, neck tension and back pain can indicate that the body is unable to relax.

André Springhut

How this article came about

I realized how much superlatives shape our lives – and that some people use them almost constantly. I couldn’t let go of this realization, so I asked ChatGPT to write a blog article about the consequences of superlatives, told by a young person.
The first result was a good starting point, but I kept revising the text, comparing it with my knowledge and experience as a counselor and coach and refining it further. The article is my idea, my concept – it is as if I had asked an assistant to write in my style.